We’ve all heard women saying, “Be confident”, correct? Simple to say, hard to do. Confidence is truly a nebulous, completely vague term that ladies KNOW when they see it, but can’t really identify it. Other men KNOW once they meet a cool, confident guy, but they may not recognize what makes this 1 individual much far better than all of the other douchebags.
Here are MY practical dating tips on developing both inner and outer confidence. It really is essentially a self-feeding loop, habits that you do on the outside (your gestures, movements, and so on.) feed into your own ego together with vice versa. Once you’re confident, then you ACT confident. This isn’t effortless to develop for a lot of guys.
In case you are not “naturally” a confident guy, then you’re basically going to must fake it till you make it. And yes, it is going to be difficult and girls are going to be capable of read appropriate by means of you within the beginning. But it’s like developing a muscle. It calls for a lot of time, practice, and social development.
You’ll start to develop this social savvy, flirting skills and you won’t be nervous in social settings. But like exercising, it’s gonna hurt and be uncomfortable as you supersize those flirting muscles.
1. MOVE SLOW. I don’t mean robot slow, but a VERY self-assured “I’m in no hurry so you can sit your ass down and wait until I’m done” kind of slow. This means controlling any nervous tics like crazy hand movements, turning around and around, rubbernecking like some tourist at all the hot girls, scurrying around & getting out of people’s way, etc. You can be animated, but don’t look like a yapping puppy dog on caffeine.
2. LEAN BACK (Sitting). When you are leaning back, sitting and BEING COMFORTABLE. Your comfort, relaxation and pleasure ARE MORE IMPORTANT than what other people think of you. When you are bullshitting with your friends within the living room, odds are you’re kicking back within the couch and relaxing like the couch potato you’re. The same goes for any other social setting. YOUR COMFORT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU.
3. LEAN BACK (Standing). The same goes for when you’re standing and talking with someone. I was at Drama Club when I saw this cute, blonde girl go up and talk to these Asian guys. The one guy was very animated (nothing necessarily wrong with that), but was leaning back and forth into the girl. The clown- er, guy- looked like a pendulum seeing how fast he kept on moving back in and out. Trust me, that’s weird. Ideally, you want to appear chill and relaxed. As you talk to someone, you (as a sign of comfort, and intimacy) begin to lean in while SHE leans in as well.
4. ACIAL EXPRESSIONS & SMILE. Do not smile TOO much, but always give her a smile. Too much smiling makes you look like a tool. Also realize that there are TONS of different smiles and facial expressions. There’s the sexy smile, the smoldering smile, the laughing at you/me smile, the smirk, the innocent smile, the puzzled smile, the “you’re retarded” look, the “I want to kiss you” look, the “Fuck me now” look, sticking your tongue out at her, etc. Use them ALL. Asians especially need to do this because, for whatever reason, our facial expressions aren’t the most readable to others.
5. STANCE. Similar to #3, when you’re standing, do not stand like a girl: your feet and knees are together. Stand like a man. Men take up lots of space. We need air to circulate between our bait n’ tackle. Spread your feet apart. This also has the added benefit of giving you greater balance in case some meathead wants to knock your block off.
6. DRINKS. If you’re holding a drink, don’t hug it like it’s your only friend. Hold it down by your side. Look around you when you’re at a bar. People hold their drinks in front of their chest like it’s their baby or they don’t know what to do with their hands. And NEVER, EVER BUY A GIRL A DRINK in order to talk to her. That’s lame and she knows it. Lots of pretty women use that tactic in order to get free drinks. Now, it’s OK later on when you’ve been flirting with her, sitting with her, chilling with her for 30 minutes to an hour. Then it’s like you’re just buying a round of drinks for you and your friends. But NEVER BUY A GIRL A DRINK as a way to open up a girl.
7. KINO. Don’t be afraid to touch girls. I mean, don’t you enjoy it when a girls touches your arm, chest, back, etc.? Same thing with girls, they enjoy physical touch also. Obviously, however, there always a comfort line. But as you flirt, that comfort increases. You’ll be able to touch the shoulder, arm, give her a noogie, pick her up, booty bump her, spin her about, throw your arm over her shoulders, hugs, etc. If you’re a cool guy, they will love it. Again, this takes some skill to develop.
8. VOICE VOLUME. If you’re talking in a loud venue, you need to be able to speak loudly and clearly. No one pays attention to the guy who’s just whispering. Conversely, you should be able to pull a girl in and start speaking slowly and seductively.
9. TONAL SPEED. Do not not speak TOO fast. It is a sign of nervousness and discomfort. In case you sound like some kid who forgot his daily dose of Ritalin, you are gonna weird people out.
10. BANTERING. You need to be capable of generate conversation on the fly. You say something, she says something. In the event you cannot hold a conversation for the life of you, commence practicing and doing more with your life so you HAVE something to talk about. Be humorous, playful, excited, sad, vunerable, curious, and so on.
11. DOMINATE. Physical space is an illusion. It’s something that’s really just in our minds. Don’t be afraid to get into someone’s physical space or they into yours. If you’re flirting with someone, slowly step into their space. When turning people around, place your hand on their shoulder and gently move them. Tapping on their shoulder is weak. If you go up to a table to talk to someone, place both hands on the table and lean.
12. EYE CONTACT. This is self-obvious. In other counries, eye contact isn’t a big deal, but in America and Europe, it most definitely is. If you can’t MAKE and HOLD eye contact, you’re considered timid, shy or- even worse- weak in both worlds.
Heck, there’s more but I’ll delve into that another time. When I have time, I’ll explore inner confidence, your beliefs and reality.
JT Tran is the shortest (topping in at 5″5) and also best relationship expert and Pick Up Artist having been featured on major network television interviews like ABC and other national media. He can be reached for PUA bootcamp training and at 1-888-689-4263